Many couples want to have a baby immediately after the marriage, because they are under constant pressure from the relatives and friends.The couples are tormented by the question “Is there any good news?”
I am writing this blog based on my experience of meeting four patients last week.I want you to ponder over, whether the decision to have a baby is fair in the following cases?
1.This couple came to meet me from the USA when they were on holiday.They were forced by the parents to have a check up as already 2 years was completed after marriage and the lady had not conceived.The fact was that, they hardly had intercourse, as they had lots of problems among them and were fighting frequently.If a child is born to a couple who is constantly fighting, is it fair on the part of the child? Imagine the trauma the child has to go through every day, witnessing the parents quarrel or god forbidden if the couple decides to separate what will be the state of the child? When father is alcoholic, does the child get proper care? It will be better for a couple to have an emotional bonding and proper understanding, before they plan a baby, as every single child deserves good parental care.
2.Normally I don't meet parents of my patients in my specialty for obvious reasons.This girl (can hardly call her a women) came to me with her parents.She weighed just 38 kg, had a 2 year old child and was mostly depending on parents for financial support and now she is pregnant.Her father directly asked me the question.“Is she really healthy to have this baby? Anyway her husband wants to keep the baby”.I do not have an answer to this question.In the first place, they should have thought about this before conceiving.Secondly, it is the decision of the couple, a third person cannot decide for them.She is well educated, being an MBA graduate; she can definitely work and be self sufficient, instead of depending on her parents.But as I mentioned, she is underweight and high risk for a pregnancy.
3.This couple came to us for treatment for repeated miscarriages.She had six instances of miscarriage.They have a 7 year old child, who is healthy.The wife was diagnosed with a thrombotic condition when investigations were done and she also had an episode of thrombosis.Luckily she survived and she is on lots of medicines, just to keep her alive.Husband’s very words were that, “she is lucky to be alive”.But they again wants to try for pregnancy, putting herself at risk and also the potential child, as there is a risk for maternal death.It is very difficult to convince patients in such situations.What will happen to the baby if there is maternal death after delivery? Should we give the choice to the baby to have healthy parents to look after them?
4.Husband had a history of schizophrenia, which is a severe psychiatric disorder with symptoms of emotional instability, detachment from reality, and withdrawal into the self.He was on 8 different antipsychotic drugs daily.He gets severe problems if he misses his tablets.The child will be at physical risk, if he gets an episode and the child also has the risk of inheriting the condition.Although I counseled them, both are firm in the decision of trying for own child.How much right do we give to the potential children?
We have human rights, Women’s rights and even Animal rights?
But are there not any human rights for the unborn child?
Who decides that?
It will be better if the couple is well settled emotionally and financially and are physically and mentally healthy when they plan to have a baby.This will ensure that the child gets a good environment to grow.
Are you really ready for a baby?
Many couples want to have a baby immediately after the marriage, because they are under constant pressure from the relatives and friends.The couples are tormented by the question “Is there any good news?”
I am writing this blog based on my experience of meeting four patients last week.I want you to ponder over, whether the decision to have a baby is fair in the following cases?
1.This couple came to meet me from the USA when they were on holiday.They were forced by the parents to have a check up as already 2 years was completed after marriage and the lady had not conceived.The fact was that, they hardly had intercourse, as they had lots of problems among them and were fighting frequently.If a child is born to a couple who is constantly fighting, is it fair on the part of the child? Imagine the trauma the child has to go through every day, witnessing the parents quarrel or god forbidden if the couple decides to separate what will be the state of the child? When father is alcoholic, does the child get proper care? It will be better for a couple to have an emotional bonding and proper understanding, before they plan a baby, as every single child deserves good parental care.
2.Normally I don't meet parents of my patients in my specialty for obvious reasons.This girl (can hardly call her a women) came to me with her parents.She weighed just 38 kg, had a 2 year old child and was mostly depending on parents for financial support and now she is pregnant.Her father directly asked me the question.“Is she really healthy to have this baby? Anyway her husband wants to keep the baby”.I do not have an answer to this question.In the first place, they should have thought about this before conceiving.Secondly, it is the decision of the couple, a third person cannot decide for them.She is well educated, being an MBA graduate; she can definitely work and be self sufficient, instead of depending on her parents.But as I mentioned, she is underweight and high risk for a pregnancy.
3.This couple came to us for treatment for repeated miscarriages.She had six instances of miscarriage.They have a 7 year old child, who is healthy.The wife was diagnosed with a thrombotic condition when investigations were done and she also had an episode of thrombosis.Luckily she survived and she is on lots of medicines, just to keep her alive.Husband’s very words were that, “she is lucky to be alive”.But they again wants to try for pregnancy, putting herself at risk and also the potential child, as there is a risk for maternal death.It is very difficult to convince patients in such situations.What will happen to the baby if there is maternal death after delivery? Should we give the choice to the baby to have healthy parents to look after them?
4.Husband had a history of schizophrenia, which is a severe psychiatric disorder with symptoms of emotional instability, detachment from reality, and withdrawal into the self.He was on 8 different antipsychotic drugs daily.He gets severe problems if he misses his tablets.The child will be at physical risk, if he gets an episode and the child also has the risk of inheriting the condition.Although I counseled them, both are firm in the decision of trying for own child.How much right do we give to the potential children?
We have human rights, Women’s rights and even Animal rights?
But are there not any human rights for the unborn child?
Who decides that?
It will be better if the couple is well settled emotionally and financially and are physically and mentally healthy when they plan to have a baby.This will ensure that the child gets a good environment to grow.
Dr.Anita Mani
Infertility& Surrogacy Specialist at Gift IVF Centre
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