We have had many blessings but we also have had our fair share of tragedy. Our second son was born at 26 weeks gestation. He had a very rough go of it, hitting every issue a NICU baby could. After almost three months of living in the NICU he passed away. It was, what I thought, the worst day of my life and took years before I could say his name, or tell his story with out breaking down. We wanted to have a big family, so after consulting with a MFM we decided to get pregnant. It was found during that pregnancy that I had an incompetent cervix. I went to the ob's weekly, took weekly injections and had a cerclage. He was born at 34 weeks, big and strong and just the cutest little fella. We thought we'd found the solution to our issue and were told that we'd do well carrying to at least 34 weeks but probably longer. We got pregnant again, but it didn't go as we d hoped. Benjamin was born at 25 weeks gestation, but he was strong and feisty and breathing on his own. He had the cutest wrinkled forehead and curious eyes, and was doing well. We started talking about when he'd come home... But then late one night we got a call... 3 hours later he was dead from an intestinal issue that affects premature babies. The hours where I held his lifeless body was the strongest grief I'd ever felt.. It physically hurt. Ive always wanted to be a mommy and wanted a large family filled with chaos and noise and messes, but since we don't know why I can't carry to term I have to accept that I can not carry any more children and am now dependant on the generousity and selfless of someone I ve never met.
I am a very honest person who believes in doing the right thing even when no one is looking. I'm laid back, understanding and generous. I am a loyal friend and wife, but what I feel am most proud of is who I am as a mother. My life is my children and I am happy to give them all of me. It is never a sacrifice, but a privilege.